Will I ever love myself again?

A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW

Many changes occur in a women’s body during pregnancy. After delivery, women go out of their way to get their bodies the way they used to. From postpartum diet to daily exercise. Many even go to extreme levels like surgery. But we fail to realize that some things might not ever be the same. For example, your stretch marks might take years to go away. The days you stayed out late to party with your friends will be missed. You might wonder how your life went from mixing drinks to making a bottle for your newborn every few hours. That postpartum back pain may continue until a decade. YEP, A DECADE!. Your daily schedule has now changed for someone else. And it’s going to stay like that for some time.

You might scroll through your old prepregnancy photos and want to cry. And it is entirely alright to shed a tear. Our body has done so much. Science says a human body can bear up to 45 dels (units) of pain, yet a mother feels 57 dels (units) of pain when giving birth. Even after the baby is born, we are exhausted and sleep-deprived, slowing down our recovery process. Becoming a problem that now starts affecting our mental state.

LET’S TALK ABOUT DEPRESSION

One in seven women suffers from PPD (postpartum depression). Symptoms can appear anytime during pregnancy to the first 12 months after childbirth. Suicide accounts for about 20% of postpartum death and is the second leading cause of mortality in postpartum women. Black and Hispanic women are more likely to get PPD and less likely to get treatment. Did you know that there are 7 types of mood disorders that a woman can experience from pregnancy to postpartum?. So a mother can suffer in silence with a disorder and won’t even know she has it.

If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. I myself have met with a counselor while being pregnant. Even if you don’t suffer from PPD there is a positive feeling you get just by sharing your thoughts with others.

Pregnancy and motherhood are not a picnic. And it is unfortunate that many don’t give attention to it. There will be struggles that mothers need to overcome. For working and single mothers, it may be more challenging than others. Speak to your gynecologist and contact online support groups for assistance. Don’t feel guilty to take time out for yourself to love yourself so you can make a healthy and positive environment for you and your baby.

Happiness is a mindset

Materialistic things gives me happiness

After reading “Joy of living” by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, I realized individuals can have everything they want in life yet still be miserable. scientifically, happiness is a mood that is a temporary state of well-being, and in happiness, we feel joy, an emotion that comes and goes. At times we find ourselves looking for happiness in objects, places, and other people but not within. I could be sad and spend the whole day with my loved ones and feel happy for the time being to escape being disappointed and lonely. But after it’s over, I suddenly feel depressed again and try distracting myself with materialistic things. My escape from hurt would be a book, yoga, shopping, or watching a movie.

If I am not happy all the time, does that make me depressed?

Like many other women, I have had an attachment to worldly life. Such as social media, hours would go by, but I couldn’t put down my phone, and when I do put it away, I would turn towards another technological device. I wanted to keep my Instagram and Snapchat stories updated but not my mental health. For me, Social media was a way to cope with my mental health. Looking at the lives of others and picturing myself in their shoes. It wasn’t that I couldn’t go out and have fun I just didn’t want to. At times I did the same things repeatedly to get a better result. EVERYTHING I did had to be perfect. If I couldn’t get it right after several tries, it would leave me feeling anxious and upset, affecting my self-esteem. I would work extra hours, avoiding what was stressing me out. Sometimes I would wonder if what I was going through was depression or another disorder?. So I did what many South Asians find taboo, finally made an appointment with a counselor. 

The ups and downs 

At the end of the chapter, the author has told his readers to make peace with their minds and stop doubting their value. Which is something similar to what my counselor told me. Happiness is a positive emotion that we respond to AFTER enduring painful feelings. Overcoming our stress and worries is what makes us grow. All humans experience up and downs in life; it becomes a problem when we neglect to seek help for our troubled mental state. If you feel depressed, don’t be ashamed to reach out to someone you know or a mental health practitioner.