Categories
Women Rights

Favoritism In The Workplace

Written by -Mubina Afreen

I parked my car in my workplace parking lot and took a deep breath looking through my updated schedule on my phone. It would be an overwhelming day, and I was trying my best to prepare myself mentally. I told myself I wasn’t the only one. People work to keep a roof over their heads, not because it’s entertaining. I had even talked about this with my friends who told me, “Jobs aren’t supposed to be enjoyable. Favoritism and discrimination happen in every workplace. Suck it up.” That is definitely what I did for some time. One can take legal action for being discriminated not for being a victim of favoritism.

A few months ago, I started working at this ABA therapy center and had already seen enough favoritism and sexism. It’s not like it was my first time witnessing individuals being biased at work. I was disappointed because I earned my undergraduate degree in Psychology and chose to be in this profession, constantly desiring to help others. But felt like this job put my mental health on the line. I had registered for my RBT exam in a week and was on the verge of quitting.

I asked my coworker, hired one week after me, about his schedule and his paired clients. He was paired with a different client for the week, many of them with mild autism that didn’t show much problematic behavior. In comparison, I had the same two individuals with ASD and severe complex behavior for four months every day. Yet, I never complained and was attentive throughout all my therapy sessions. I came to work each day with a positive attitude and even asked my employer for feedback on my sessions. But, I knew I was putting all my energy into something that wasn’t helping me grow. Whenever a monthly therapist competency assessment was scheduled, I was paired with a child I had never worked with before—consistently scoring no more than an 80 because I didn’t know the client’s program well.

I remember calling out sick for a day, and the RBT that took care of my client complained the next day because the client scratched and bit her. So it was decided by the BCBA not to pair her with him again. I went through the very thing but was told to “reposition myself” so I wouldn’t get hurt. A few other BT were going for their RBT exam, but I sensed that I was the only one being treated unjustly. Whenever I talked about an idea, it was ignored. If it was a work-related issue, I was given a “puppy face” and told to “hang in there.” I was good, just not good enough to take up a new task.

I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. Was it because I wasn’t gifting my schedule coordinator fancy gifts?! or complementing or kissing up to the BCBA? Maybe it was not staying late and gossiping about the client’s parents with other coworkers?. So I googled to see if others in the same occupation were having the same difficulty. I was startled at the number of people commenting on a Reddit post about this very problem, some much worse. I scanned through the post, looking for a solution. I did find a few. I did talk to my employer regarding what I was facing. It somewhat got better, and I didn’t feel so burned out. I passed my RBT exam and still work at the same center part-time. Not because I NEED a job but because I like working with my clients and positively impacting their lives. Even if there are hundreds of reasons to quit, find one reason that makes you stay. And my clients and appreciating parents were my reason. I am still searching for better opportunities that will help me improve too. However, I realized that no job would be perfect, but we need to be to maintain professionalism and integrity.

Let’s face it favoritism has taken place in at least one workplace you have been employed, or it might be every. You work your behind off day and night only for Dena, who gives your boss ‘surprise’ gifts to receive the next project. Favoritism in the workplace is toxic and illegal, yet it is still taking place. In a survey conducted by Penn Schoen Berland and Georgetown University researchers, about 75 percent of the survey respondents say they have witnessed favoritism, while 23 percent admit they practice favoritism. In addition, 83% agreed that unfairness leads to worse decisions in promoting people.

Either you can ignore it or talk to your manager about it (I highly doubt they will do anything). Or you can start pointing it out. Let others know how you feel. But if there comes, a time work stress starts to affect your mental health. So then, take some time off for yourself. Maintain your sense of self.

Categories
Women Rights

Happiness is a mindset

Materialistic things gives me happiness

After reading “Joy of living” by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, I realized individuals can have everything they want in life yet still be miserable. scientifically, happiness is a mood that is a temporary state of well-being, and in happiness, we feel joy, an emotion that comes and goes. At times we find ourselves looking for happiness in objects, places, and other people but not within. I could be sad and spend the whole day with my loved ones and feel happy for the time being to escape being disappointed and lonely. But after it’s over, I suddenly feel depressed again and try distracting myself with materialistic things. My escape from hurt would be a book, yoga, shopping, or watching a movie.

If I am not happy all the time, does that make me depressed?

Like many other women, I have had an attachment to worldly life. Such as social media, hours would go by, but I couldn’t put down my phone, and when I do put it away, I would turn towards another technological device. I wanted to keep my Instagram and Snapchat stories updated but not my mental health. For me, Social media was a way to cope with my mental health. Looking at the lives of others and picturing myself in their shoes. It wasn’t that I couldn’t go out and have fun I just didn’t want to. At times I did the same things repeatedly to get a better result. EVERYTHING I did had to be perfect. If I couldn’t get it right after several tries, it would leave me feeling anxious and upset, affecting my self-esteem. I would work extra hours, avoiding what was stressing me out. Sometimes I would wonder if what I was going through was depression or another disorder?. So I did what many South Asians find taboo, finally made an appointment with a counselor. 

The ups and downs 

At the end of the chapter, the author has told his readers to make peace with their minds and stop doubting their value. Which is something similar to what my counselor told me. Happiness is a positive emotion that we respond to AFTER enduring painful feelings. Overcoming our stress and worries is what makes us grow. All humans experience up and downs in life; it becomes a problem when we neglect to seek help for our troubled mental state. If you feel depressed, don’t be ashamed to reach out to someone you know or a mental health practitioner. 

Categories
Women Rights

A female’s body used as battleground

“You are disgusting, and this is what you deserve” – slur said to an Ethiopian rape survivor.

‘Look at how many children you can have. Now you are going to have our children. You are going to have our little Chetniks,’ said a Serbian white eagle gunman to a Bosnian Muslim rape survivor.

“Now you’re engaged, but after we rape you, no one will marry you.” – Kurdish rape survivor taunted by her captors. 

There are countless slurs like the ones above that are said to war rape survivors by their rapists. Yet, they can’t do anything but endure the pain. They are displaced, their family murdered, raped, and everything taken away from them, waiting years for justice to be served. When rape occurs during the war, it is very insulting to the community’s honor. Other communities and countires are not as accepting as in the west. Women must cope with the physical and psychological trauma of rape and the possibility of rejection by their families.

Motivation 

Sexual assault in a war has been occurring since the classical period. Before laws against sexual violence during any war came into place, it was acceptable for a man to use a woman as legitimate booty, valuable as wives, slave labor, or battle-camp trophy. Capturing the wealth and property of an enemy was regarded as a legitimate reason for war in itself. Women were considered lawful property of a man. Therefore, the rape of a woman was considered a property crime committed against the man who owned the woman. Even if we don’t see a woman as property owned by men today, females are judged as weak. A women’s sexual purity holds the honor for her and her community. When she is raped, that honor is taken away from her and her people. Her community indirectly blames her for the shame they have to face.

It was not until 1994 that rape was considered a war crime by the U.N. Near the second half of the 20th century, cases of rape were documented in more than 20 military and paramilitary conflicts. The international community became aware of this, especially after reports of mass rape of Bosnian women during the 90s’ Balkan war and the genocide in Rwanda (1994). That sexual abuse is intentionally used as a weapon to destroy whole populations, terrorize people and drive them from their homes. Unfortunately, the government does not give victims of rape proper psychological care, leaving them traumatized.  

Children of war

During the Bosnian war, more than 50,000 Muslim women were raped and forcefully impregnated by Serbian soldiers. There are around 4,000 children born out of those rapes. Many of the children were abandoned right after birth or given up for adoption because the children reminded the mothers of the horror they had to go through. In 2018 Rohingya women shared a similar faith. Raped by Myanmar soldiers and militiamen and impregnated, they were forced to flee to Bangladesh for safety. However, since Bangladesh doesn’t allow abortion after the first trimester, most women had to keep the baby. 

What we can do to help

Educate others that rape in war should be spoken about and brought attention to. Help provide counseling to the victims and those affected. We must change people’s attitudes that women and girls are just as worthy as men and boys. Donate to charities that help survivors of war rape and children born from war rape. 

Categories
Women Rights

Is pretty a privilege or a curse?

I was waiting in the La Madeleine Bakery and Café queue when I noticed a man in his mid 20’s approach two women seated at a table. One of the women had light neutral blonde hair and was wearing a bright yellow dress complimenting her green eyes. She looked beautiful and seemed pretty tall. He requested to get her number which she politely declined. Before he left, he paid the barista for the young woman’s coffee and breakfast with his phone number on a piece of napkin. The lady, though, seemed a bit annoyed than appreciative after finding out the gentleman had made her payment and left his number even after her rejection. I didn’t blame her for being upset.

This incident I had just witnessed made me question if being pretty was a privilege or a curse. However, I do agree that being physically attractive does have many benefits. For example, a good-looking person has a higher chance of getting a job, a date, less severe sentences, and store discounts. But being attractive has as many downsides.  

“ALL THE GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD”

Not everything that looks precious or true turns out to be so. For example, Lauren, a Doctoral Candidate of Clinical Psychology, has stated that “When someone is deemed pretty, they are presumed to be hardworking, kind, and funny- you name it.” People that are considered attractive are compelled to always live up to high standards. Psychologists believe the Halo Effect is why we subconsciously assume people’s appearances reflect their overall characters. With this in mind, it is unsurprising that physically attractive individuals are perceived as more “sociable, dominant, sexually warm, mentally healthy, intelligent, and socially skilled” (Feingold, 1992). Like in South Asia, when a person is attractive and well mannered, he/she is viewed as ‘smart.’ Girls who are lighter skin are treated favorably and get more employment opportunities and marriage proposals. 

“MAYBE ITS MAYBELLINE, OR MAYBE ITS A FILTER”

Social media has made it more damaging for young women in this generation. Instagram and Snapchat filters that alter our facial features have messed with our perception so intensely that we believe that is how we should look in reality. So when one of our pretty friends uploads a selfie, we can’t help but compare ourselves to them harming our mental health. It has become a competition for young girls to be seen as attractive and become famous. For this reason, women are more likely to have low self-esteem and be lonely. An Article in 2018 stated the females have been getting plastic surgery done to look more like their Snapchat filter, known as ‘Snapchat dysmorphia.’ Around 55% of facial plastic surgeons report seeing patients seeking operations to look better in selfies. Teen girls desire to be like the models and influencers they see on social media, even if they are beautiful the way they are. 

BEAUTY VS THE JUSTICE SYSTEM

Aside from friends being envious of you, good-looking young girls are likely to be sex trafficked. In a recent article by Tina Frundt, during slavery, girls of color with lighter complexion known as ‘Fancy girls’ were sold for sex at a five times higher price than those enslaved for labor. Sex trafficking of young and attractive women of color to white males is still taking place in many countries. Unfortunately, only a few of those men are held accountable and put behind bars.

Research has also shown that people are more likely to believe sexual harassment claims by young and attractive women who act more feminine. For example, the University of Washington asked a group of people to draw two women, one likely to be sexually harassed and another who wouldn’t be in such a situation. The result showed that looks matter even in harassment allegations. Furthermore, there is physical attractiveness bias in the legal system. Good-looking women serve fewer sentences while unattractive defendants get severer punishments. 

IT’S EASIER WHEN YOU ARE PRETTY

In my opinion, being pretty is a privilege that society needs to accept. Attractive people are more readily accepted into society while others have to work for it. But, yes, there are a few disadvantages with pretty privilege, life is not always rainbow and ice-cream. People need to stop being bias and understand that looks don’t define a person’s character and that beauty comes from within.

Written By: Mubina C

Categories
Women Rights

Mia Khalifa Takes to Twitter to Defend Bella Hadid and Palestine

Lebanese adult actress turned influencer Mia Khalifa never fails to publicly share her opinions of conflicts in the world. Over the past two weeks, she took to social media to shed light on the historic and ongoing injustices in Palestine. In recently posted tweets, Khalifa referred to the United States’ support of the Israeli government…

Mia Khalifa Takes to Twitter to Defend Bella Hadid and Palestine
Categories
hate crimes Stop Hate Women Rights

Women of Color

By-Mubina C
I am a woman of color
the one who is racially profiled
and wrongfully convicted
are my race, ethnicity, and faith such a threat?
why do I wanting the same privilege as you
makes you so upset?
I am a woman of color
who is attacked and falsely accused
for starting a pandemic and putting the world in a troubled state
if only they knew a much worse disease is hate
I am a woman of color
who doesn't get a callback or a job interview
for this reason, my name does not sound white enough
but I keep my head high and stay tough!
I am a woman of color
who suffers violent crimes
if I have the freedom to wear whatever I want
why am I viewed as oppressed
when I choose to cover myself?
Or a flaunter if I am provocatively dressed?
I am a woman of color
who is exoticized and hypersexualized
in American films dominated by white men
objectifying and degrading me again and again
I am a woman of color
who is excluded and having my dreams shattered
like my voice never mattered
everyone ignoring my troubles
you see, white women are not the only ones
with tears and struggles

Categories
Women Rights

My Hijab My Choice how to wear it

BY- Mubina C

Stop disparaging other Muslim females in the name of modesty. At times individuals in our community are too quick to judge other Muslim sisters on how they follow Islam just because they see a hijab on their head. There are countless times I have scrolled through social media reading comments by non-hijabis and Muslim men on how a Muslimah should wear her hijab and act. Some passing rude remarks like, “if you can’t wear it right, take it off” on their photos. 

As a Muslim woman who struggles with wearing the hijab herself, I want to make it clear that WEARING A HIJAB DOES NOT MAKE US PERFECT MUSLIMS! YES, WE SIN AND MAKE MISTAKES, WE DO PARTY (HALAL WAY), WE DO HAVE CRUSHES, WE DO HAVE GUY FRIENDS, WE HAVE DIFFERENT WAYS OF STYLING OUR HIJAB AND LIKE TO PAIR IT WITH SKINNY JEANS. We do the same things that our non-hijabi Muslimahs do. If you feel that you need to advice a Muslim woman on modesty it could be done privately not by publicly shaming them. If they don’t want to take you advice it is their choice and shouldn’t be forced on them.

But even if that makes us look like a not-so-perfect Muslim woman, we dare to roam around in a western country being the face of Islam. Some of you brothers and sisters are so quick to pass judgment but would not be able to walk a day in our shoes. If I had a dollar for every time I have been called a towelhead, terrorist, a F***** Arab, let’s say it would have helped a lot with my college tuition. I have not only been verbally abused but physically attacked just because I chose to cover myself. 

Westerners look at us with piety because they think we are being oppressed. If that isn’t bad enough, we have our brothers and sisters belittling us because we don’t wear the hijab a certain way. I know many other hijabis have experienced the same thing. Yet, we still wear it with pride. Like many of you tell us, we could take it off, and life would become so much easier, but we are not quitters. Our sisters before us didn’t carry a long fight to wear the hijab in a western country just for us to quit. Remember, next time you criticize a hijabi on how she wears her hijab, know that she goes through hell to represent the Muslim community you are part of. 

Categories
Women Rights

Muslim Women Throughout Islamic History – Zaynab bint Ali

This month I am going to share a little bit about Zaynab bint Ali. She was the daughter of Fatima and Ali (ra) and the granddaughter of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). She like her brothers was named by the Prophet (pbuh). We often hear about her incredible brothers, Hasan and Hussain but she was just as […]

Muslim Women Throughout Islamic History – Zaynab bint Ali
Categories
Women Rights

Break the Taboo, Period!

 Period Taboo

      Talking about period has always been taboo, mainly in the 3rd world countries. Women for years have been trying to end the shame associated with it while fighting to make sanitary products affordable. Taboo surrounding menstruation excludes women and girls from many aspects of social and cultural life. It’s time we get rid of the period taboo and have an open conversation with both genders about menstruation and how the female reproductive system works. 

    I remembered when I was thirteen and had suddenly gotten my period on my trip to India. There was an all-women gathering at my friend’s home, and I asked her for a pad. She looked at me in surprise and pulled me to the side. She took out two pads from her closet, wrapped them in a plastic bag, and handed them to me. I didn’t understand what I did that made her feel embarrassed. Why didn’t she want any of the ladies to notice she was giving me a pad. I later asked my mom, who explained that girls in developing countries are not supposed to talk about their period, especially in public. Even if it’s the 21st century, people still believe that menstruating women are impure and dirty. Girls are made to feel ashamed about getting their period and associate it with something negative. That indicates many young girls are not taught safe, hygienic practices or even about the reproductive system due to social shame. 

     I didn’t realize what a vast taboo it was in India until my dad went to pray in a mosque in Bombay, and my mom and I had to stand outside because there wasn’t a women section to pray. Muslim women in India are told to offer prayer at home because it’s assumed to be better for them. They are also not allowed to enter a mosque when menstruating. That is why most mosques don’t have a separate room for ladies to pray their Salah. Hindu women are also asked not to enter the temple during menses. 

    Superstitions about periods around the world

      Many of the elderly population in different countries believe that periods are a curse given to women and hold many superstitions. In India, women are not allowed in the kitchen of their own homes or touch anyone for several days until it passes. In places like Poland and Italy, menstruating women should not touch a flower or plant because it’s believed to die quicker. In Bolivia, you shouldn’t hold babies during the time of the month if you do it can cause them to get sick or die. As more people learn about the female reproductive system and myths, period superstitions are becoming a thing of the past. 

   How education is affected 

    Period taboo doesn’t just stop there. It also affects young girls’ education in India and other developing countries. About 23 million young girls drop out of school every year after their period begins due to the lack of awareness and the availability of appropriate menstrual hygiene products. Many young girls fear classmates would mock them if it stained their clothes. In H.S, teachers find it a delicate topic and avoid talking about it. When they try to discuss it with their students, there are looks of disgust and discomfort on their faces. In India, an H.S teacher stated, “we avoid talking about menstruation because we will then have to talk about sexual education. That is also a taboo topic that parents should discuss with their children, not us. If we talk about it, parents say we are trying to corrupt Indian culture.” 

Period poverty 

Countless women in India cannot afford sanitary napkins. Some females use old rags and cloths repeatedly, causing infections. There are also other countries like Kenya, where 65% of girls don’t have access to sanitary pads and tampons. Females suffering from period poverty resort to using leaves from trees, the insides of mattresses, socks, or even reusing dirty sanitary pads. Places in Nepal have huts away from home where women stay until their cycle is over. 

What we could do to help

Many foundations have been created to educate women and men about menstruating and end period poverty. Your donation can help a young girl continue her education and bring change.

  1. https://mynamahila.com
  2. https://goonj.org/njpc/\
  3. https://www.giveher5.org/our-partners.php
  4. https://onechild.org/enewsletter/tackling-period-poverty/
  5. https://www.actionaid.org.uk/our-work/womens-rights/period-poverty

Written By- Mubina C

Categories
Women Rights

SZA Thinks About Wearing Hijab “All the Time”

If our aspiration is to see reflections of ourselves in the world around us that define us first by our humanity before our identities, then SZA is the embodiment of that dream. We know the Good Days singer through her emotionally raw and achingly open art that has become the captionable battle cry of Gen-Z.…

SZA Thinks About Wearing Hijab “All the Time”